when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
