I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
