Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
