Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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