what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
