I hate all girls vehemently.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
