Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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