We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
