well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize