Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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