I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
