??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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