i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
