Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
