did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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