guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
