You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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