I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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