I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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