After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont even know how to be here
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
