there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
