he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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