I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
