it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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