no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
