where am i from again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
