I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
