There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
