i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
