I'm laying in your front yard are you home
one two three fourrrrnication!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
