youre lurking in front of me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have aggressive nipples.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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