It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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