well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
