David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
