nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
