I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize