Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
