idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
