Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
