I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
