I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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