Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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