I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
