and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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