Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
