I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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