he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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