Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
