toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
