if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
