I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
