If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
