soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize