I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
