I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
