I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
