Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
