careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
