I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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