tell your sister to shave her snatch
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
