my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
