Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
