The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
