Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
