all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
