I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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