so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize