If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
