6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
