I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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