so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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