my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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