He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
