Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
