I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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