I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have demons in me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
