so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
