The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
