My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
