a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
