Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
